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How do you find your people when you're still figuring out who you are?

Image by Wolfart on Pexels

Fun fact: Hello Kitty and I are the same age, both born in 1974. She looks wistful with a cupcake here - to be honest, I’m often the same. Stick me in the corner with baked goods so I can blend into the background.

It wasn’t always this way, of course. God, I used to be gobby as all hell. Always first to open her mouth, venture an opinion, and now I’m proud of that girl . I also understand that it was mainly down to ADHD impulsivity, rather than any form of innate or nurtured confidence. (At about seven or eight, a trusted adult told me that “nobody likes a show-off”, words that today still burn - I’m considering tattooing a rebuttal on my wrist.)

When you’ve spent a lot of your adult life masking, suppressing the fidgets, sitting on your hands to stop from calling out, it’s an undertaking to stop, and take stock of who you are, and what’s meaningful to you. Who you are, and who you’re not. In the back of my head I apparently thought I’d have a clearer idea by the time I reached 50.

Nope. But I’d created an unhelpful idea of what I should be.

In hindsight, I imposed extra limits and conditions on myself when I had kids because that nasty critic warned me that I must not do anything that would embarrass them, or show them up. That lingered, became pervasive.

I should be responsible, laid back, held back. Proper.

Well, raspberries to that. I know the critic is still there — he’s called Brian — but it’s getting a little easier to keep him in his box. Starting somatic work this year woke me up to how much I need particular sensory inputs, and seeing as Sparkle our cat is borderline feral and you can’t count on her, I have gone down the Squishmallow route instead. Perfectly plush fabric to cuddle or stroke to bring the nervous system back into regulation. Zero claws.

That’s right, I’m fifty and I have my own Squishmallow. Maybe I need a Hello Kitty one. Have you found the thing that brings you comfort, and has it changed in recent times?

What else brings me joy? Here’s what came to mind first.

Writing - journalling, writing a novel, handwriting, fountain pens, modern calligraphy

Making - sewing my own clothes and accessories, knitting, mending, letterpress (an ADHD hobby right there)

Stationery - Hobonichi, Leuchtturm1917, Traveler’s Journal, rubber stamps, washi, stickers esp functional ones

Reading - a lot of fantasy, self-help, non-fiction about navigating the world while neurodivergent

Growing - container gardening, house plants, vegetables that might make it from the garden to table instead of going straight to compost

Croning - striding boldly into my crone era, doing things like starting a Substack newsletter with great enthusiasm and little planning

Who’s with me? Have you let any of your hobbies or interests go deeeeep this year, as an antidote to <gestures arms wildly> everything? I want to know about your especially-special special interests. Let’s geek out together!